14 September 2006, 7:58 PM :
writes:

sometimes , have u ever thott to yourself if thr is a day when someone culd wait for u in the morning everyday at ur hse void deck waiting for u to go to school , giving u a surprise every now and then .
tells u thtt he is busy yet when u leave the place , he is waiting outside 'busy' waiting for u .
after a long tiring day , he called u to meet him , he gave u a massage on the shoulder and a peck on ur cheek .
a minute ltr after u two separated frm each other's arms , he send u a msg of whtt he tinks abt the day u two spent with those loving kinda words to enlighten up ur day without him by ur side .
hold ur hands infrnt of him frens to tell u thtt u are happy to be with u without speaking .
never fails to let u smile in any situation even u are cryin inside-out .
never fails to make u feel loved even it is the darkest side of the world .


i wished ; i hoped ; i desired
thtt tis could happen to me . somehow , it is impossible to happen . he needs and wanttu concentrate on his studies ; exams . and im lik intruding his singlehood , interferring his perfect life . affecting his mood ; studies ; life . the same problems jus couldnt get away frm me . i noe thtt he had explaint to me manii times , he had convinced me manii times . but . . . the problems jus couldnt get away frm me . his eyes and actions couldnt convince me . his replies ; answer couldnt make me feel as lovedd as i usedd to receive . things arent the same . this 3 whole week , i tell myself thtt i shouldnt be depending on him anymore . no meetings ; no calls ; no msges . i gottu survive with it now , as wel as for nxt yr . no further thotts . no more . . it does not seems to be impt anymore . im realii tiredd of receivingg those short msges unlikk the msges i usedd to receive in the past . the way he jus couldnt keep me companied . the way we quarrel over the same old things agn and agn . . im tiredd of living in tis world , im tiredd of my life . . my presence does not matters anymore . i believe thtt he is always smiling when he is with his frens ; when he receive msges frm others . but everytime he is with me , i jus couldnt feel his happiness . im tiredd of crying everyday . im tiredd of the feeling when tears roll down my cheeks . when day after day , whtt i wished for , did not come true . . am i realii the one he wants ? is all the promises stil existing ? or are they another broken promises i'll receive ? NO MSGES , NO NOTHING . AM I JUS ANOTHER FREN OR UR GIRLFRIEND IN UR MIND ? JUS TEL ME THE TRUTH AND I WIL LISTEN ATTENTIVELY AND BACK OFF AT THE RIGHT TIME . NOT INTRUDING UR LIFE WITH PROBLEMS AND U WONT NID TO TINK OF WAYS TO MAK ME BE HAPPY . AL TIS WHILE , IM HAPPI TO HAV U . BUT . . WE WERE LIK DRIFTED AWAY . I MAY SEEM TO BE HAPPY , BUT THE TRUTH IS IM NOT . IM TIRED . . . I NOE U ARE TOO . JUS A WORDS , I WUN BE CREATING PROBLEMS TO U EVER AGN . AND SOON , U WIL RETURN TO THE SAME OLD HAPPY JACKIE AGN . NO LONGER JACTING . . IM HAPPY . . REALLI HAPPY TO HAV U BY MY SIDE FOR THE PAST 5MTHS + . I REALI CANT LOSE U . BUT , I TINK , FOR UR BETTER FUTURE , I'L LEAVE U THE MOMENT U REQUEST IT . I WONT APPEAR IN UR EYES EVER AGN . . . . . I PROMISE . . BUT , I JUST CANT LOSE U . WHEN IS THE DAY WE CAN EVER RETURN BACK TO THE PAST ? IM AFRAID . . IM SERIOUSLY AM . . I CANT AFFORD TO LOSE U . . .




saddist ;
it does not matters anymore .




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